ReCap : What I’ve Learned in 2019

I’ve long given up on drawing up a list of resolutions because I know for a fact that it doesn’t work...for me, anyway. Instead, I come up with a list of things that I’ve learned the year before that has helped me grow. The list is kind of personal and long but I’ll share the gist of it here; who knows, it might help or resonate with someone else.

I don’t like to lie and write about rainbows and fluffy puffs all the time. That’s not the way my life works and if I put up a front here, not only am I not being true to myself, I am also not being true to the people who actually read the shite I write.

There are, of course, filtered things that I think might get me into trouble or cause a rift between people (because this is the INTERNET, after all) but the things I post here are genuinely what I feel, be it good or bad. 

So, what have I learned in 2019? Here goes!

Be the type of person who cheers on others, compliments strangers and encourages people to believe in themselves - Unknown

1. I am Going to be Fine
   I think I’ve mentioned this way too many times and people might think I am this deep, philosophical person who has a jaded view on life. Well, they can be right on the latter because I am a little jaded. I prefer to use the word ‘wiser’ and more ‘mature’, actually.
   
   In all honesty, I’ve had so many doors slammed in my face in 2018 and 2019 alone. On the professional and personal front, I’ve become a human callous. Despite days of sitting down in the corner of my room regretting, wondering what I did wrong, blaming, wishing things were different, I’ve learned that I’m a damn stubborn human callous.
   
   Doors can slam in my face all the time but they’ve helped me grow even more resilient. I don’t have to understand why it happened nor do I have to argue my way back into the other side of the door. All I need to do is to say, ‘Why, that was nice of you. You’re welcome’ and walk away.
    
2. Life is Short
   I think this is something I will remind myself time and time again. Moments, where I sit awashed by the fear of the unknown, will be over. I’ve launched off into multiple directions partly because I think I’ve reached the second phase of my life. 
   
   
   We can be all positive, enthusiastic, and forward-looking but we really don’t know what’s ahead. Really, we don’t. 
   
   
   As a mom, I’ve postponed a ton of things in my own life because I am tasked with paving the path for my kids. My kids are no longer kids and there’s no more time to wait to catapult my own life into the orbit that I want it to be in. 
   
   
   I can feel my old, younger self coming back. That bit of recklessness can do me a little bit of good. 
   
   
   3. I Can Do it
   You wouldn’t believe it but the year 2019 has shown me, in multiple ways, that I CAN do it. From overcoming debilitating fears to stepping into strange, overwhelming realms. Contrary to popular beliefs (lol - according to people I know, anyway), I am not as independent and fearless as they think I am. I just hide it well. 
   
   
   With a plan, resolute faith, and a strange wave of determination, I can do it. I can ignore mental roadblocks and forge ahead to do the things that my heart tells me to do. So, this year, I’ll probably be doing more of those things. 
   
   
   I can’t wait to do the things I think I can’t do. This does not, unfortunately, conquering my fear of insects, heights, and horror movies. Nope. No, can do. Not yet, anyway. #lol
     
   4. I Change Me
   I KNOW everyone’s different...you can see this all over the internet. Everyone’s living their own lives based on their circumstances, belief systems, and experiences. I can’t please everyone. 
   
   
   I don’t have to acknowledge nor fight people who have different sets of beliefs and experiences from me. Which loosely translates into I don’t have to give a rat’s ass about every freaking thing. 
   
   
   Being called names, judged, perceived in a way I consider insulting and belittling...it has all become a part of life. Severing ties with people is fine and I don’t have to blame myself or the person for what was happening. I only have to accept it as it is and wish the person well. 
   
   
   Fighting back and stating my case with everyone who disagrees with me is me. Or used to be me. When something goes wrong, my friends would give me a push and ask me to fight the case for them because I am not afraid to speak my mind. 
   
   
   Over the last few years, I’ve learned that I don’t have to do that anymore. Not every battle is my battle. With so little time left on this planet, I can’t fight everything. It’s exhausting.
   
   
   
   5. Compassion and Kindness
   Because people have shown me their ugliest colors doesn’t mean I have to do the same. I’ve done it and felt horrible after that because I told myself I would take the high road. I’ve also sat back under a barrage of attacks, wishing not to fight which only resulted in my being called ‘weak’. 
   
   
   I don’t have to change the person that I am to fight back against the perception. The way I see it, the only way to fight back is to prove to myself that I can stand my ground. I don’t have to stoop down to their level to thrive. I want to be a compassionate, kind person who can step into people’s shoes and see things from their points of view. 
   
   
   Just because some people are ugly, I don’t have to be that. 
   
   

   

   
   

   ***
   
   
   I don’t have a resolution, like I said, but if there’s one thing I wish to do more in 2020 is to refocus the second phase of my life which includes my career and becoming healthier. 
   
   
   I might want to lose some weight but I don’t like the concept because it’s not how I measure health and fitness. I don’t want to end up looking sick and haggard because I believe having a little bit of flesh on my bone looks and feels better for me. 
   
   
   Thanks for those hard-hitting lessons, people. I think I’ve become a slightly better, if not stronger, person because of it. 
   
   
   Things were also amazing this year and I allow myself to feel awesome about it. 
   
   
   We've less than a week before we welcome the new decade, a new millennium. I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that things will be amazing, awful, yet exceptionally happy for you and your family. 
   
   
   
   
   Hold On - Wilson Phillips
   I know this pain (I know this pain)
   Why do you lock yourself up in these chains? (these chains)
   No one can change your life except for you
   Don't ever let anyone step all over you
   Just open your heart and your mind (mmm)
   Is it really fair to feel, this way inside? (woah)
   
   Some day somebody's gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye
   Until then, baby, are you going to let 'em hold you down and make you cry?
   Don't you know?
   Don't you know, things can change
   Things'll go your way
   If you hold... on for one more day
   Can you hold... on for one more day?
   Things'll go your way...
   Hold on for one more day
   
   You could sustain (you could sustain)
   Or are you comfortable with the pain?
   You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness (no, baby)
   You got yourself into your own mess (oooh...)
   Lettin' your worries pass you by (lettin' your worries pass you by)
   Baby, don't you think it's worth your time
   To change your mind? (no, no)
   
   Some day somebody's gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye
   Until then, baby, are you going to let 'em hold you down and make you cry?
   Don't you know?
   Don't you know, things can change
   Things'll go your way
   If you hold... on for one more day
   Can you hold... on for one more day?
   Things'll go your way (oh, things'll go your way)
   Hold on for one more day
   
   I know that there is pain, but you
   Hold on for one more day, and ya
   Break free from the chains...
   Yeah I know that there is pain, but you
   Hold for one more day, and ya
   Break free, break from the chains
   
   Some day somebody's gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye (and say goodbye)
   Until then, baby, are you going to let 'em hold you down and make you cry?
   Don't you know?
   Don't you know, things can change (know)
   Things'll go your way
   If you hold... on for one more day, yeah
   Can you hold... on...
   
   Don't you know, things could change
   Things could go your way
   If you hold... on for one more day
   Can you hold... on
   Can you hold on
   
   Mmm, can you hold on, baby
   
   Won't you tell me now
   Hold on for one more day, cause
   It's gonna go your way
   
   Don't you know, things could change
   Things could go your way
   If you hold on for one more day, yeah
   
   Can't you change it this time
   Make up your mind
   Hold on, hold on
   Baby hold on 
   
   

   ***
   
   
   Lots of love,