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Losing Weight and it's Scaring Me

I've been losing weight like you won't believe it. In fact, I don't believe it. It's not something that I am happy about because every time I look in the mirror, it scares me. At this rate, I am going to be one of those runway models in Paris...not in a good way, if you know me at all, it's not a compliment.

(Please don't judge me for saying that about runway models...many of them are too skinny for my liking and it's my personal opinion that people should have a little bit of meat on them - here's where the Kardashian and Beyonce is winning)

And I love taking selfies...I take them almost everyday and I've explained myself why - to leave one million ugly photos of myself for my kids to browse through when I am six feet under - and it was one day when I was taking one that it shocked me.

Compared to a photo I took a week back, the recent one showcased sunken cheeks, deep under-eye circles, lackluster skin, and protruding collarbone.

As a teen, I've suffered from anorexia, I know what it feels like and BLOODY HELL this is NOT it!

I've been sick and unable to consume pretty much a whole lot of things the past few months. Good Lord, I try but I just can't. I either throw them back out or just can't put them past my lips. Yes, I've been through the whole test thing, the scope test and the likes and am currently on meds, but this sickness of mine seems to like taking its own sweet time.

But I think it's healing, I had one of the best meals I've had in a long time yesterday for lunch whereby I could actually taste and appreciate the food. The other day, I had a whole meal without feeling like an alien was waiting to emerge from my stomach ala ALIEN movie-style.

I'll spare you the details but this is a journey to recovery and I've not been this sick in a long time. It's a big thing, being sick. I am a single mom and when you're at the helm of everything, things stop when you are sick.

I struggle to get work done. I know the floor needs mopping, I know the tabletop is dusty, I know dinner needs to get in the oven and I know the sink needs clearing too. Of course, I've noticed that my kids are running out of uniform...but where do I get the energy to move a single muscle when all my brain is telling me is 'GET INTO BED RIGHT NOW, YOU NEED TO SLEEP' and this whole sleep thing is a little scary.

I have been able to fall and stay asleep almost 24 hours a day. I...am...not...kidding. Insomnia? What's insomnia? LOL

So, that's what's really been bugging me over here and it's been a little like this since the end of last year, 2016, so, it's not been a pleasant time for me. But like I said, people say nasty things when they don't know what's going on and I can hear them at the back of my head or right behind me (when they don't make an effort to be discreet about their curiosity) and I like to be direct. If they've asked me, I would've told them but then it would all be fodder and FB discussion, isn't it?


Shoutout to the people going through some shit but trying their hardest to be posiive. Proud of you'

We all have shit to go through, hope you're doing as best as you can too,
Love,
Marsha
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