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| Sunset in Port Dickson |
It's been some time since I added anything new to this blog. So sad. Things have definitely changed by leaps and bounds since the pandemic hit us. Furthermore, my boys became adults during the pandemic and everyone now knows the difficulties and challenges of working from home.
Before that, it was just a bunch of us trying to convince the rest of the world that we're really working.
So, now I would like to spend some time reminiscing about what I missed..in general, not just post-pandemic.
Girly Stuff
I have, for most of my life, tried to raise my boys (no girls in this family except for me - LOL) and at some points, I found it absolutely baffling when I could not understand men. I think it goes both ways when my woman-personality comes through and they're left 😟😂.
In exchange for raising men, I miss quite a few girly stuff. I miss painting my face and fingernails as cumbersome as I think they are. I miss talking to people about the latest gossip and drama stuff. The only thing I know about these days are what men find interesting in the cyber world, online and mobile games, and half-assed anime/manga/manhwa stuff.
When I want to talk about celebrity happenings and cute actors or singers, I am alone on this one.
I am not complaining because my boys know this and they tolerate my 15-minute random raves about the cute actors I found on Netflix or a Korean drama. They even have the empathy to nod and agree once in a while 😂. That's a lot considering they're 21 and 23 this year. They're at the age where everything about cute, gender-neutral, make-up-wearing guys...is not their thing.
However, I listen to them exchange news or discoveries about and of the latest anime or new game releases. I even bring them to the stores to get consoles and games, standing in line to pay and listening to them discuss game plays and characters I have no clue about.
That's what life of a mom of boys feel like. Friends? I wish I had the time when I was younger. I didn't. I only knew how to fight to survive for the three of us. The end. Maybe one day, if I am not dead by then, my friends would also have come the full circle that I have gone through and they can finally relate to me.
Predictability of Middle and High School
When they were in middle and high school, I needed only one schedule and one destination because they went to the same place. They start and end at the same time so, I had the liberty of planning everything out for the rest of the day during the 'break' when they're in school together. And the destination was like 5 minutes away too!
It was a blessing I didn't realize I was enjoying. Well. I knew things were going to change once they finish high school, of course, but I think one can never be prepared for such things. Juggling multiple schedules while working and dealing with household stuff is rough.
I hope you have someone who can offer the support you need because I definitely did not.
They completed their high school a couple of years ago and now, one is in an Art School and the other is in a Uni studying Computer Science. Let me say this again - this is not a complaint. This is a fact. They go to 2 different higher learning institutions studying different things; naturally, their schedules are skewered. So's mine.
I don't remember having such a hectic schedule. Who on earth schedules a class or practical at 8 am in the morning? A sadistic teacher? FYI, we don't live near to the learning institutions. And if the classes start at 9 am, we would be battling morning rush hour traffic...with 2 destinations and clashing schedules.
That's why I miss the single schedule, single destination part of our lives.
I know, I know...I know what's ahead of me...when they will no longer need me. I am not prepared for that, let's cross that bridge when I reach it.
The 11-Year-Old Home We Lived In
We lived in a home in a rather suburban part of Petaling Jaya. It's the kind of place that is NOT in the middle of the hustle and bustle of everything. A place we lived in for 11 years. We started living there when the boys were growing up really fast as pre-teens to teens, and young adults.
It was a quiet community. Do you know how you can find comfort in a place where everything is convenient and comfortable? A place you can rely on? A refuge you can count on? That was it.
11 years isn't exactly extraordinary. It was simply a place we grew up and older in, struggled beyond belief in. And whenever we faced troubles, my boys and I overcame them together, despite the anxiety and panic attacks I had on my part.
That home was special and I have not forgotten it. I don't think I ever will because it has a special place in my heart. I know there were things that could have been better if we did preserve it a little more, but we were content.
Devices and Personal Preferences
I didn't face the exact same challenge when I was growing up as a kid because I shared a bedroom with my siblings and then my sister and then my entire family while growing up. It's not perfect because there will always be sibling squabbles but we lived through it.
During my kids' pre-teen days, they started behaving differently with each other. What they call brotherly bonding, my friend criticized as 'hostility'. They would call each other out, using very mean words and names. They work out differences differently from girls too.
Girls offering support to their sibling, family and friends differ greatly from a man's, as I have discovered. Their words were mean but their actions tell me a different story. But at some point, they were withdrawing from each other and drawing clear boundaries which has never happened before.
That's when I decided to give them their personal spaces in the form of their own rooms. They were over the moon. I believe that growing teens and young adults need their own personal spaces. It might not be the same for every family, let me put up this caveat. It's just what I think.
But when they had to share stuff and space, I couldn't get work done and when you're alone, you're more worried than other people because your bandwidth is very, very limited.
That's also my dream of having a 'Laptop Lifestyle' came to life. Ever since I started working online, I coined up this term, 'Laptop Lifestyle' as my dream. The dream was that I could work from anywhere in the world as long as I have my laptop and internet connection. Back in 2002, it's unheard of. I think some people even laughed at the idea.
The conventional and acceptable type of 'working' was waking up at 7 am in the morning, driving to an office, eating lunch with your colleagues, have meetings, leaving work, and coming home for dinner with your family.
I don't have to say this but the pandemic showed the rest of the world what work-from-home people have to go through.
To me, during those years, my laptop lifestyle was coming true. I could actually complete stuff with the use of a laptop, internet, and the software I need. And support. Yes, support from other people.
The Quiet of a Small Community
Before I became an adult, we moved around a lot, especially when I was growing up. They were mostly small communities, off-radar by everyone else. And maybe I craved that.
I actually like staying in a satellite city, away from the hustle and bustle of a big city, and be connected to the people in a small community.
The suburban place we stayed in was without the overwhelming noise, traffic, and people-traffic. When we moved to a busier part of the city where there are tons of people, it was hard to get used to at first but it is OK now. There are things we just need to adjust, that's all. It was confusing. I learned a very important lesson - to let things go when the time comes for us to.
I had a very big problem with that.
Cooking Lunch and Dinner at Home
I love to cook. I am nothing close to being good but, at one point, when I cooked something for the family, I try my best.I was also into the whole 'healthy cooking, healthy eating' thing.
It was the first time I experienced the struggle of deciding on what to cook, the time it takes to prepare them, the cleaning up, and the grocery shopping...like ohmaigerd. THAT, on top of all the things that I already need to get done. Parents...you get what I am coming from, right?
But still, I miss cooking dinner and lunch for the family. It feels like I did something good. And when I try a different recipe, I get to be a little creative and adventurous. At that point, it was one of the only few ways I could do anything that wasn't routinely...like, the same every single time. So, I did everything from Chinese to Japanese, European to American, Filipino to Mexican. Not all of them were successes, of course.
A lot of times, I ended up thinking to myself, "Gosh, maybe we should have eaten McDonalds today". 😂
And do you know how hard it is to make bread or pizza? Do you know how MESSY your kitchen will become after doing something like this? It becomes a flour dome.
There's literally flour all over the place and the cleanup was pure hell. But still, I tried to do it. The other challenge was sushi. 😲 How do people wrap the sushi or rice rolls so perfectly. I've not been able to do it properly up to this very day. LOL.
Getting The Young Boys to Sleep
Like I said earlier, at some point, I gave them their own rooms. The calmness came but so did the isolation.
I think, I think, I THINK they became kinder to each other, more supportive, argued less, and shared a kinship I think would not have existed if I forced them to share a room.
The reason I missed this was because when they were little, they slept in one bedroom on a Queen-sized bed. I would gently hold them both during bedtime, read them a story, or just have a chat with them and then cuddle each other to sleep. Late at night, when I am done with work and they're already asleep, I would dive right into the middle of them and cuddle both to sleep. Best...sleeps...ever.
Nowadays, they don't often come out their rooms unless I ask them to. So, the only thing I insist on is eating meals together...whether it is dining out or eating in. They know this and there is no compromise. If I don't get to see them during the day, at the very least we get to communicate during meal times.
I am glad I did this.
***
I know there will be many more things I will miss as they spread their wings and start flying off into the world, at least I made an effort to enjoy every moment of our lives together to the best of my ability. That's already a tall order.
Parenting is hard but letting go is going to be even harder.
XOXO,
Marsha
Not Having To Drive 30 km a Day to Get Anywhere
I loved being able to drive when I got my license and my dad spent so much time to ensure that we had some form of transportation to get us where we need to be. In fact, 3 of my ex-boyfriends relied on me for transportation.
That wasn't the idea I and my parents had in mind. I started to have to prioritize, and as soon as my brother could drive, we started fighting over that one car the whole family had. I think it was something I (and my brother) overlooked.
The car was a big problem. My ex would tell me to pick him up at a certain time, my brother would tell me he needs the car at a certain time, and my dad leaves work at a certain time...it was absolutely mess.
It was a freaking riot within the family between my brother and me. We fought a lot but we kinda made do. Dad got another car but, honestly speaking, it was the most un-roadworthy vehicle in the world. Have you ever hit the brakes of a car to have it veer into another lane suddenly? Have you ever driven so carefully that your heart in in your throat all the time? Have you ever hit the breaks and nearly hit your fellow college students?
That's the backstory.
When I was released from the US company that was working for for the past 13 years. I had to find a way to survive. One of the companies I worked for was like 31 km one-way. That's 62 km a day. But have you heard to traffic in Kuala Lumpur on rainy days? It was a culture shock but I did my best.
The worst thing was that while I was working with this company, there was a lot of office politics that I am unused to, and the operations style dates back to the 1950's. How was I supposed to help a company like that digitize their business? The marketing manager was definitely ahead of me, speaks their language. and there is no amount of SEO talk I can do to improve the situation.
Honestly, there was no way for me to digitize that business from the inside if they don't know what I am talking about. I was talking about SEO, SEM, SMM, CPL, organic leads, creating of a funnel, and branding as a company. Well, if people at the top refuse to listen or attempt to understand, it's time to leave, isn't it?
Unfashionable. A destroyed dignity. Feeling of being undermined. Unloved. Underappreciated. But it's really OK. Not completely OK but OK nonetheless. You'll survive, don't worry about it.
Because today, I don't have to endure the 62 km drives a day. The only reason I miss it was because I was introduced to logistics and traditional marketing and promotions that was trying to break out into the internet world. I know internet but whatever the Marketing Manager was doing wasn't working. I hope she got better...and stopped measuring pixels on a computer or digital device with a real ruler...like a real ruler. OMGLOL.
I totally did not intend this post to be this long, honestly. But this is the way it turned out. I miss quite a couple of things...LOL. I am just going to assume this is the normal aging process and I am not going to preempt the next stage of my life anymore. I'll take it as it is.
Since it took me this long to actually write something for myself, it's going to go off as it is.
Sincerely,
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