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The Worst

You know right from the start that some people are hard to deal with. This is a picture I took during one of the toughest periods of my life, hiding in a corner bathroom stall, wondering if I was even a smidgen of what they make me out to be. The good thing is I am out of there and still standing.  I am ever so grateful to myself for not succumbing to all those monstrous things swarming through my head at that time. That I still love myself and my family enough.  Sometimes, things suck but we have to believe that not everything lasts forever and there is always a way out. You just have to look really hard for it and dig in with all your might.  Nothing lasts forever.  The picture is through a hole in the window of the stall, overlooking highway traffic. How I longed to get out of there. I wanted the pain to stop so much. Thank God it did stop. 
Recent posts

Back To Where We Were Before....

  2020 was one-of-a-kind. It presented us with a whole load of firsts. The first time anyone was ever ordered to work from home. The first time, cash is rendered dangerous. The first time I bought eggs online. The first time I got delirious at everybody (anybody) within earshot about not being allowed out of the house. It was also the first time the family ever had a birthday celebration via app. Now, my parents are not very tech-savvy people and my dad, he's the more tech-savvy one between the two, and the app he chooses to master for everything from texting, calling to videoconferencing was Whatsapp. So, while I may video conference people at work with Teams, Zoom, Slack, or Meet, with my parents, we do it with the laggy Whatsapp. We got a bit of a break from this lock-down hullabaloo between the end of 2020 to the middle of 2021 where the noose was loosened by our Malaysian government. With hopes of the vaccine coming in, we were in kind of a happy mood that we were finally allo

The Boys, Music, and the Violin

Like every other parent, especially Asians (I am not a bigot because I am, after all, also Asian, so let me just be slightly jaded here), I signed my boys up for piano classes for years and years and years. I ferried them in and out of classes, pressured them to practice, paid the price for the expensive classes, and nothing came out of it.  Maybe it's me, maybe it's them, who knows?  I bought a piano (which I also loved and signed up for classes for) and I diligently tried to help them see the beauty of music. To no avail.  Later, Son 2 told me he had an interest in playing the guitar. Like a lightning bolt, we trudged through one music store to another, seeking out the right guitar. Bear in mind, I may know a thing or two about the piano, I know absolutely zilch about the guitar.  I had to take the word of the salesmen for what they were. So, we ended up with two guitars in the house...and no one playing them, gathering dust and absolutely unloved.  I signed Son 2 for guitar

Another Year, Another Lockdown. Ah well...

Let's do and keep this together, shall we? Image source:  Vonecia Carswell on Unsplash Here we go again...another close complete lockdown.  The good thing about Malaysia's MOH is that we are good at tiptoeing the line between being competent and being reckless. So, we're almost never completely ravaged by a Pandemic like the ones seen in other countries but we're also a little here-and-there-then-everywhere with our implementation.  It often leave the rest of us hooked onto the news for not just the latest announcements but also the latest changes of minds . There's good and bad in that.  As far as I can tell, most of my friends and family are reallyyyyyy up-to-date about the latest happenings around us.  So far, we've had some close encounters and since I am always in contact with frontliners, you could say that my awareness is always heightened. Plus, my immune system isn't what it was before and I have a sinus problem that scares the bejeezus out of ever

Snapshot of Memory #3

I said that I would post a picture of Ann on her death anniversary until the day I run out of pictures to post so, here I am again.  Here's a picture of my cousin with my first born, Joshua, when he was born in 2000. I was the first one amongst this batch of cousins to actually pop a humanπŸ‘Ό out of the womb, so, I think it was all very...erm...surprising and weird for all of us.πŸ˜… I hope she's doing exceptionally well wherever she is now. It's funny how sometimes we still talk about her like she's still around. I don't think you ever want to forget a person, so, subconsciously, we talk about her in present tense.  This...this...human....what do I do with it? Happy Monday, folks! See you when I see you, Ann. Keep the snarky going... XOXO

If Photography Ruled the World, We Would All Be Happy

Picture taken by Son 1 after toiling after which grape should drape, which grape should just hang I've never realized how difficult, tedious, meticulous, careful, mindful, anal, bitchy, seriously-you-re-gonna-nitpick-this-shot photographers have to be in order to get a picture right.  Until my Son 1 is in art school.  Photography is not his forte, and needless to say, it's not mine either. But what's really interesting is that through his lessons and all of those forced projects, I've come to really appreciate the kind of eye photographers need to have.  It's embarrassing but I am a point-and-shoot kind of person. I never really cared about lighting or whether there are stains, fingerprints, and dust on the table before I take a shot.  Angles and shadows never really bothered me either. Of course, whoever wants to be in the shot should just scoot over and be in it. That was it for my photography skills.  Selfies? I dare say I can rock that pretty OK. πŸ˜πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜… After go

Prompt: Lost With Two Items and Birthday Update

Today's writing prompt : I am lost in the woods and I only have 2 items with me.  Yup, that was the prompt. Just that. Why am I am doing this?! #lol  Well, if I was lost in the woods, which I won't be because I wouldn't go near the woods alone unless someone throws me in there against my will which is, by the way, a crime 😁, and I have only two items with me, it would be: A knife A lighter With a knife, I can cut down anything I find in the woods. It's a big-gish knife, alright? πŸ˜“πŸ˜‰πŸ˜And I believe that I can eat grass if I have to. Won't be the best meal on earth but one's got to do what one's got to do to stay alive. As for the lighter, I can survive the dead of the night and I don't like the dark. So, I think it's the best way to survive. I don't know if a knife and lighter can get me water but if I can find my way around with a fire, I might find a source for water.  Man, this writing prompt thing is hard, isn't it?  Hang on....scratch a

(Update) The Standing Up Journey

I've been on this journey for close to two years now and I am still not used to this. But that's the reason I threw myself off this cliff in the first place, knowing it is a territory that I would need to learn how to navigate again.  But when I started this journey, there were a few conditions I set for myself: 1. I wanted to feel belonged 2. I have to be working on things that made me feel fulfilled or satisfied 3. The people I would inevitably surround myself with have to share my vision and mision. Nothing is going to be perfect, that much I know, but at the very least, working with people who had the same style and personality as me is top priority.  4. I don't want to deal with authoritarians every single day.  5. I would have to learn how to socially adapt myself to groups of people again and if my gut instincts told me that it is not the right group of people, I would have to get out.  6. The very nature, the very core of what we do on an everyday basis has to be a

Space Sweepers (Netflix): Movie Review (2021)

Space Sweeper the Korean Sci-Fi Blockbuster hits Netflix 2021 Image Source: KoreaTimes Let me come clean. The first thing I thought when I saw Song Joong Ki leading the lineup for this movie was ' Is this OK?'  ' Hhhmmm.....what about, you know...his personal life', and as a fan of his previous personal work, I had the same doubt I had when he was casted in 'Descendants of the Sun'.  Sorry, Joong Ki. πŸ˜³ But the concept of a sci-fi movie in the Korean film platter was enticing. The trailer didn't look half bad either. When it comes to space movies, Hollywood has always been the Big Guy. We expect Hollywood to deliver the big guns and explosions while Kdrama land is all mush, love, arm grabs, ice-cold kiss scenes, love triangles, and of late, time traveling.  So, sci-fi? Interesting. Honestly, I went in with an empty mind which is not necessarily an open one. Ditched the reviews, writeups, Youtube reactions and everything else and hit the 'watch' butto

Mean People Are People are Why Should It Be... πŸ‘Ž

I am relooking at my life like I've never had to before. I don't even know if this is a mid-life crisis but whatever that I have been through thus far have served critically to making me into a person that I am excited to meet.  I've gone from being absolutely shocked, dismayed, excited, elated, hopeful, destroyed, emotionally drained, disappointed, hopeful and wonderful again, and then have had my soul crushed within these few years.  I don't even really know where I am going anymore. I thought I knew.  Some people just power themselves up by making people feel horrible. They're just the way they are, and honestly speaking, my younger self would have done everything within my power to try to change these people. To believe that I have a pocketful of cheer dust to sprinkle over them to make them better.  But I am no longer young.  I know now that there's nothing I can do to change mean people. The only I can do is to understand that they are the way they are bec