Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from April, 2008

When will Mariah stop flashing her boobs????

Mariah used to be my favourite singer of all time because she's got this amazing gift in the form of a voice that can go ANYWHERE but why oh why is she so obssessed with flashing those enormous peaks of hers everywhere...and why is it that all her songs contain sexual innuendos....touch my body is one of them. I mean, I love the song, I love the tune, I love the beat but PLEASE, Mariah, PLEASE.....why can't you be decent for once? I clicked to watch because I like the song and spent a couple of minutes crossing my fingers that she won't be flashing anything (FAT CHANCE!) in the video. But nope....no such luck. In fact, with a song like that, she goes even further over the top. Where got people answer the door in this type of clothing wan?? Is she for real??? I mean, in this video, she calls a technician up to fix her computer and she answers the foor LIKE THAT??? Aish.... But the video was entertaining in a sense because the lam-chue-kok (male lead) is this geeky, absolutel…

Manic Marsha

I scare myself sometimes when I start working. I tend to get a little manic when I get on a project and when my brain starts chugging, it's hard to stop. I think of it non-stop, even after the designated time off period. Since I work from home, I don't, technically, have an office and a home, so it's really important for me to know when to switch off and slow down. And when I get manic, I get really manic and I forget everything. And I mean everything. Can you imagine someone who can hold her wee in for more than 5 hours. Not healthy, I know, but I forget....what can I say???My projects are suffering because most of them are US-based clients and when they suffer, I suffer along with them. So, been taking on some Malaysian projects (which I have explained earlier I am not too keen on) to get me going. And the pace picked up recently and I am facing another potential melt-down. The prob is that I don't know when I am facing a breakdown because I don't know when to st…

Comfort My Ass...literally

Comfort is the keyword today…not humor, which is the normal keyword for me every Monday. That’s because Joshua’s got an itch caused by some unknown food source he consumed yesterday and he has broken out into hives. When I woke up, I could hardly recognize him cause he was swollen beyond recognition! And I’ve got some issues with my nether regions. Cramp, cramp, cramp. Swear, swear, swear. Sometimes I wish I have a penis in my pants. To top it off, I have my kids eyeing my sagging backside the whole day. I have decided to wear a skimpy Factory Outlet cheap buy pants I have bought for sleeping purposes. These pants, I’ve got to tell you, makes you feel like you’re not wearing anything (maybe because there’s hardly anything holding anything together). It’s so small and tiny that I think it qualifies to be classified as hot pants (don’t hold your breath if you’re letting your imagination run wild. It’s not my fault if you have nightmares later on). But like I say, comfort is the keywor…

Jared – The Icing on The Cake

From the moment he was born, I knew, somehow, that Jad (his nickname) was destined to add icing to my cake. He was born with a smile on his lips and a bounce to his steps. His destiny serves to intertwine with mine and make my life all that much better with every learning curve that he swerves past. I remember him falling off the steps in my in-law’s home once and earned himself a huge bump on his head so big that blood was threatening to come out from underneath the skin…and my thought was that My life would be over if anything were to happen to this bright light in my life. Born cheerful and sensitive to the needs of others, he’s the exact opposite of what Josh is. When either one of us were sick, Jad would not wait for anyone to ask him for help. He would totter over to get water, wet towel, plaster, nail-clipper, toilet paper…whatever. And he’s not doing it because he wants to earn praise…he does it out of concern. Maybe it serves him well that he was born a little ‘bulkier’ and ‘…

Nuts about Putts

Received this email from a friend and thought it was pretty darn good. Either they need a head or new life....take a pick! But they're good, that's all I have to say. If you're a golf buff or someone interested in watching the bizzare things that people do because they have nothing else better to do, watch this.

Josh – Pensive maturity wrapped up with cheeky plastic

Today’s post is dedicated to my elder son (tomorrow my fei-chai, Jad). Yesterday, my kids had their piano lessons and the teacher wrote in her report “Very obedient and a keen leaner. Keep up the good work”. Josh is a really good boy, sans the times when he becomes cheeky. He’s cheeky alright and if given the chance, he would tease his little brother to no end, Jared being such a sensitive bloke and all. From their room, you can hear loud laughter and then whimpering and whining, then “Jjjjjoooooosssshhhhhh…….”, then “Mmmmmooooommmm……Joshua says that I got hairy armpits!”I would say that Josh changed my life completely…from the moment he was conceived, he was destined to change me into a better person via a very rough route. We’ve been through a lot together and till this very day, although he’s a very reserved sort of person, he’s still my bestfriend. Granted, he’s just a kid and has attention span so short that I can barely keep him in my arms for more than a minute! I envelope him…

To all insomniacs: a special dedication & request

To the person whom I had lor-mai-kai with this morning, this is for you. Your special request for me to write about insomnia. Next time only I write serious one, ok? Based on my research wan...but this time round, I am not in such a serious mood now, so.....hee hee hee.... *** *** *** POEMSlumberSlumber, oh slumber, Why I no slumber, Lie here since supper Sleep is becoming further Count kambing, Count kucing, I stop at one thousand, four hundred and thirty two Still can’t sleep….nia mah, TIU! Open my eyes cannot Close my eyes cannot Roll left cannot Roll right cannot What the fuck you want? Slumber, oh slumber, The neighbor’s f*****g is becoming louder I want ask them to eat my slipper Maybe I shouldn’t be so sober Turn on my back, Maybe to my side, All also bloody no work, Feel like alien in a trap Go pang-sai, but got no crap Slumber, OI, C.B. slumber, Why you no come, har?? Here, here….I should treat you proper I give money, come, come…come lah.

Night Fever Night Fever

Some people dance when they are drunk. Some people dance as a profession. Some people dance on other people's laps. Some people dance like their grandfather owns the dance floor. Some people dance to attract the opposite sex. Some people just can't dance for nuts but dance anyway. Dancing is not reserved only for night spots and discoteques....and in my personal opinion, dancing is not restricted by age either! I loathe to think that the society would deem an aging (ahem!) mother of two incapable of dancing or worse yet, SHOULD NOT dance simply because.... When I am out partying, sure I dance. When the mood hits me, the dance floor is mine. And i don't dance like the youngsters, shake her, booty there, gyrate here, rub there (OK, OK, OK. Maybe got a little bit lah....what!!?? Cannot ah? It's the trend these days lah. You expect me to go night spot and point sky, point floor like John Travolta?) just so that they can attract the hamsem (handsome) young bloke with washboa…

No Regrets - Life Of a Mother vs. Life of an Artiste

I've been asked before whether I regret giving up the entertainment business for my freelance writing 'career'. I've been asked if staying at home and caring for my kids is worth it....worth giving up all the 'fame' and 'fortune'. Is the adoration of my kids anything close to the applause I get on stage when I've done a good job. Have I ever wondered what it would have been like if I've persisted and decide not to have kids? I don't know the answer to that but I don't regret having my kids. I am the blessed kind of person who's got multiple talents (my father call me the Jack of all traits but the Master of NONE) be it writing, singing, dancing (if you can call that a talent) and anything else related to entertainment. I've got a talent for bull-shitting too which is how I managed to get my law degree AND write about menopause like I was a doctor without flinching! :-) I have a tag line for myself which is BORN to BULLSHIT. Hee h…

Why Women Are Crabby

I got this some time ago from my cousin, Mandy, via email and I laughed my ass off after reading it. All too true. All you men who thinks that women don't deserve to splurge YOUR money on branded stuff, pamper ourselves to massages and facials, read on and weep....***We started to 'bud' in our blouses at nine or ten years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. Then came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs. Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated,cramped,or got the hormone crankies had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had. Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus throu…

Understand What a Virtual Workplace is Supposed to be Like

To my understanding, the purpose of having all these modern tools is so that people can communicate and get work done efficiently without wasting time and money. I have clients from all over the world. People from Hong Kong, Australia, Taiwan, United States, New Zealand and South America have been using my freelance writing services for a long time. I work efficiently this way - and it saves me time and money too! Having the PC and Internet is important to me because I have many other things to do - for instance, sweeping the floor, playing the piano, being AhMad to the kids fetching them in and out, in and out, buy grocery, cook, feed, wash, fold laundry, etc. You get the picture. There's a very good reason why I don't like Malaysian clients! That's because they assume that because we are in the same country that I have all the time in the world and that I can just slap my backside and go anywhere I want any time I want. If that is true and if every time I get a project f…

Invincible Not?

This confession is not going to make me look good. I used to drive fast. Used to. And FAST. Granted my current top speed limit is 100 kmph right now (with kids, the limit goes down to 80 kmph), it’s hard to see that side of me now. I remember very clearly when I was in college and having just gotten my driver’s license, I thought I was pretty good at navigating a rough bend. I thought it was pretty cool too to catch up with the big rough guys on highways in my father’s run-down Peugeot (that is about a MILLION YEARS OLD with a broken carburetor) just to see the look of surprise on their faces and occasionally, when the mood hits me, I reward them with a middle finger. And it didn’t do me any good either that my then-boyfriend (ahem….you know who you are) was a fast driver as well. Not just fast because if I was fast, he and his gang were faster. What was the name you guys had for your gang already ah? Pak Rempit, right? :-) Anyway, when these guys head out for their usual racing sess…

Nintendo Wii My Top Notch Shutter-Upper & A Lesson Gone Down The Drain

I've always made it a point to teach my kids about life. One of the things that I say very often is "It does not matter what we have, what others have and life is not about material gains. We live with what we have happily...that's what's important". I make it a point, also, to tell them that whatever material stuff we have in life is always temporary. They get my point.....I think. I guess they do, really, because they tell me that it's OK that we cannot go for expensive holidays in Australia or Canada or the United States or that the Hong Kong Disneyland trip together is probably as good as it gets. Next would probably be Langkawi until I recover from shock...and that's more than a year ago! :-)"It's OK that we don't live in a mansion, mom. I love this home as it is", says Jared. Joshua looks at me seriously and nods, "Yeah, mom. This is the perfect place to live in and you're the perfect mom. I like everything that we have no…

Phamtom Visitors' Response Requested

Although there are very few people who make comments in this blog, I know for a fact that quite a few people come in rather regularly (thanks to Google Analytics) but I didn't know how many EXACTLY and who they were. Google Analytics will only tell you where and when. Not who. And I don't really mind if people come in, read and then go off into the sunset holding hands with their girlfriends or boyfriends. But for once ah, can I make a special request ah? All you phantom visitors can please tell me who you are or not? I mean, it's better for me to know that you came by because you know why? So that I don't look like sohai (idiot) (Don't mean to be crude and rude but it rhymes with 'why') when we meet up.Pa, you here? Ma?Boy? (brother)Girl? (sister)Woof? Don?Vern?Bernard?Auntie?Sarah?Daniel?Woi! Lei tei chut serng hou mow?At least, make me guess lah, can? :-) It can't be alright with you guys so see me like this.....Opinion Polls & Market Research

The Three-Something PM Rain - EFF Off can or not?

You know ah, I love the rain, especially thunderstorms but these days, I get very 'tulan' (pissed off) every time it starts to ring thunder outside right about three-something pm, you know. This is the time I have to fetch my son back from school and if you are not a parent yet and don't have to fetch your kids back from school at that time, you don't know what the eff I am talking about lor! Blardie stupid rain have to come choon-choon (timely) every day three-something....like a mantra lidat! Gergh!The problem is not the driving. The problem is that everything gets wet and some more I have to bring my younger son along with me. If rain, sure very jammed up outside the school because all the parents very slowly have to inch in, one by one, to go look for their kids, carry umbrella, put them into the car, get back into the driver's seat, slowly drive off. Then another. It's like a blardie stupid slow worm, you know. And then you know umbrella, if it's not b…

Life as an escort for Sufiah

Before reading this article here about Sufiah and her colorful life and controversial decision, I felt pity and then anger towards her father. I feel that her untoward lifestyle is a direct result of her father's behavior towards her when she was young. Pushing the child so far so early on in childhood can cause damage....this was what I felt. After reading the article and her thoughts about what she's doing earning a living, I feel even worse! It's not the fact that she likes being an escort that horrifies me but it's the fact that she likes being treated as a Princess, being bought gifts and everything superficial related to the 'profession'. Having men shower her with gifts in return for sexual favor is not wrong but it will definitely warp her perception of what a true relationship should be like. Earning a living like that will strip her of knowledge about how to earn money without using her body....or more precisely, a particular part of her body. While i…

Defining Me

Am I an over-ambitious person with no conscious? Or am I a fun-loving and adventurous person who is up for challenge from the moment I am awake till the moment I nod off? Am I mother who has a compassionate side to me that is deserving of awards, recognition and accolades? Or am I all of the above. In order to define me, I need to think about every single aspect and corners of my being and I have set out to do so in this article. My kids have asked me before, “Mom, have you stopped growing already?” and I answered them, “I will never stop growing. As long as I am alive, I will continue to grow. Both physically and mentally, we grow consistently until the point we stop breathing”. But to grow, mature and evolve properly, we need to understand one thing. We need review. Continue Reading

Business is Business: Malaysian Chinese by Comedy Court

Sometimes, I get people from other parts of the world asking me why I write funny....you know, being a writer and all. If you've observed, I toggle between writing MALAYSIAN style with the 'sorry-lah', 'lidat-lah', 'how can?', 'sure or not?' and 'come on-lah' all over the place. And then I think to myself, "How do you think all those clients who come here undercover to read my blog will think ah? They read and go, walau-eh, like this call writer wor. Mati Kong-Kiao lah, lidat" So, in all honesty, sometimes I am torn between writing like I sometimes talk or writing the way I usually write. Lawyer-style....long, long with humongous words thrown in. Well, for those of you who are not Malaysians or Singaporeans (they talk somewhat like the way we talk with a lot more kaisu-ism thrown in. Heh heh.....eh, Singaporeans, just joking only ah. Don't angry wan ah), here are two Indians impersonating Malaysian Chinese talking about bizne…