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Parenting : Just Put Your Best Parent Foot Forward

One day you're struggling to find the 'perfect kindergarten' and the next you'll be wondering if your kid needs Size M or Size XL underwear/bra. One day you'll be wiping their butts and then, like overnight, walking into their rooms require knocking. It's simple like that. Or not.
I searched up the word 'jockey' (because I was walking past Hush Puppies and there was a sale going on) and found this.

...but discovered what's on sale wasn't the horse or the woman, it was more like...

What are you setting yourself up for as a new parent can make or break you, just take it from me, or us (the jaded, over-the-hill ones). You may have the grandest ideas, the biggest dreams and the sharpest of visions of what your child(ren)'s future may entail, just be ready for curve balls.

This mother discovered that her SuperHuman (LOLOLOLOL....hang on, let me just share her sense of humor because it's so real I am crying! LOL) expectations of herself and her own abilities nearly drove her to off the edge.
Then in one desperate moment, during epic meltdown No. 374, I stood in the kitchen in the middle of a crying jag, ranting, “No one ever helps me! Good grief, does anyone else have arms?! Are you people actually blind? Can you not see this mess?” - Amy Betters-Midtvedt (ScaryMommy) @hiding_w_coffee
I know how people always tell you the following:-

  1. You can only do your best
  2. All you need is love
  3. You know best
  4. Miriam Stoppard wrote the parent-bible
  5. You don't need help
  6. You KNOW best
  7. It's all going to be worth it in the end, the hugs and kisses are rewards enough
  8. You're going to miss those moments later on in life
  9. Your husband is NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER going to guy the right organic soap and it's going to ruin your kid's skin for LIFE!
  10. Your friends/relatives/other parents/paeditrician/doctor...they're all looking at you with an evil eye, waiting for you to fail one time and write all about it on their Facebook status update and you're going to be the next viral content/video/Facebook-shit
First off, everything on that list is false except for number 8. When you're here, at my stage, those humongous hands, hairy legs and muscular forms are not going to be the same. The same goes for your daughters who suddenly think you're so out-of-style. 

No matter how many times you tell them you were the cheerleader in school or how you rocked the entire prom night by winning the crown or how you aced all your subjects in school is going to convince your former hunny bunny that you are cool. (You WERE sub-par human cool, purlease)

The reality is that there is no GOOD MOM and there's no GOOD DAD. There's only Mom Who Didn't *uck Up too Bad and Dad Who Didn't Blow up the Kitchen. But that's about it. And sometimes we end up feeling like the melted tub of ice-cream that we were going to eat behind CLOSED toilet doors. That could be your cue to stop the rolling boulder from going down the hill and start looking at yourself

As with the mother-writers, it took quite a few epic meltdowns to actually sort things out at home. Raising men may be a little different from raising women, let me just say this before someone comes after me with butthurt-ness. 

No matter how many plans you've worked out for yourself and your kids, there is no guarantee that they'll want the same thing when they grow up. For example, I placed hooks in the rooms for towels and jackets but kids think that throwing it over the chair or bed is the same thing. There will come a point in time when you have to shut the door and say eff it, eff it all

Minding someone's baby is one thing, caring for your own baby/toddler 24/7 is another horror-flick. 
I found the infant years to be tedious, difficult, and if I’m being honest, boring. Don’t get me wrong: I loved the smell of their tiny heads after a bath and the way their chubby (and sticky) fingers grasped mine as we slowly shuffled toward the grocery store. I craved the story-time cuddles before bed, and I delighted in recording their milestones, one by one. - Christine Burke, ScaryMommy@FruitLoopKeeper
So, if you've come up with a 100 year plan on how your kid is going to be the best Vet or Doctor or Scientist or Engineer...just buckle up for some shots of surprises (and bewilderment). 

It's funny but there came a time when my SuperWoman insistence that I CAN AND WILL CARRY THESE TEN BAGS OF GROCERIES UP THE STAIRS MYSELF (I CAN DO THIS SHIT, GET OUT OF MY WAY) attitude hit a brick wall. My little-men asked me 'How come you won't let us help you? We can do it too, you know. We are... (sheepishly)...kinda strong too'. I didn't even have to do what this mother did and bloody hell, yes, please, what the hell was I thinking take this fucking load thank you!
“If you can do it for yourself, you should” is now the rule. And now they do, most of the time. Dishes, laundry, bedrooms, bathrooms, and even their own ice water at bedtime — all done at their level and often not on my timeline. These kids are learning to manage their worlds, and it is a messy and beautiful thing.
It DID occur to me that one day, they are going to be bigger than me, stronger than me, taller than me, better than me at fixing computer bugs and might be interested in running a little bit of their own lives (at their own time, set against their very own little standards) but you just don't know when it will happen. Sometimes, they might be less selfish than you think and want to do their part and contribute too. 

Like carrying groceries. Give me the big one, mom, let me be the man', taunts one son when the other son is too busy untangling his smartphone earphones in the car and is a little too late. Big sheepish smile flashes across his face while the other son scrambles to his feet and tries to grab whatever is remaining in the car. 'Asshole', he hisses. 

Competition. I think I like it. =)

To my family and friends, take it all in one day at a time. You DON'T know anything, take that as the bottom line and go from there. 

Lotsa love heading your way, 

p.s. There's no getting ready or being prepared for the sudden un-needing that you will face when they're a little grown. No way, it seems, as my friends tell me, and I think I believe them.

It’s what all parents want, right? Independent offspring. My mother assures me that my kids will always need me just like I still need her, and that each age brings its unique set of growing pains. I guess I just wasn’t prepared for how fast this un-needing would happen. Warp speed, I’m telling you. It’s as if the laws of physics break down when you’re a mom. - Heather Christie, ScaryMommy, @hchristiebooks


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