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I Am Not Goliath

My friend dropped by for lunch with me today and she said something that we can NOW laugh about...but was stressed out over when our kids were younger.

She said she saw a mother crossing the streets, bringing her elder kid to school, with a baby strapped to her body, looking hassled, with a messily put-together ponytail, non-matching hair clips, rushing to bring her kid to school. THAT reminded her of me when I was staying at that apartment, with the school just right outside the condo.

I did the same. Wore the same type of messed up clothing. Had paper clips in my hair. Hassled. Rushing lunch while thinking about dinner, worrying about homework, having to work at the same time and without a proper support system because we've just moved into the new home.

We can laugh about it now because that period of my life, the most stressful one, is over. We are halfway through this parenting thing and we survived. Some non-parent friends may have judged me about the way I have been parenting my kids and I don't blame them because they have not stood on the pavement beside the school with two kids in tow - one dragging his clikkety-clacketty roller bag behind him and the other complaining about the weather being too hot - trying not to cry.

Some people may think 'you should have a support system'...but I didn't. And I still don't.

Some people may think 'you should have gone out with your friends more'...but I didn't. But I do now.

Some people may think 'you are not alone, a lot of parents go through the same thing'....I know now, thank God and bless your heart for thinking that. Because at that point in was also the most isolated and loneliest I have ever felt. There were buckets of tears that I didn't want anyone to see because I had to be strong. I had to hold it together because if I don't, the fort goes down.

Have I really come this far? How am I still frekking alive???!!! LOL

If you are going through the same thing and find yourself sometimes criticizing yourself, be proud of yourself. Be nice to you because everyone else is ready to put a shot through your heart because of your parenting style or the choices you've made or that you've brought this onto yourself.

Let yourself cry and not be alright all the time. Trust me on this. No one is THAT strong and it will drive you crazy trying to be.



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