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The Biggest Lie I Ever Told

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Today, I am going to write about the biggest lie I've ever told and honestly, this is a lie....was a lie...well, it is STILL a lie, regardless of the fact that thirty odd years has passed, eh?

Anyway, one of the biggest lies that I have ever told involves my report card. Ack! Yes, I know.

My parents...they are never the type to come running at you with a whip, chain you and smack you from here to next year. No, sadly, they don't. In fact, I think the kind of pain that they inflict on me is worse – silence, a shake of the head and a sigh.

WAAHHHHHHH!!!! I'm so sorry I flunk my maths...AGAIN.

I am sorry I barely scraped through my Bahasa (because it is a stupid language)!

I am sorry my geography is like a three-year-old's!

I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry. I promise to do better.

And what kind of a stupid subject is Sivik dan Kewarganegaraan, anyway?

But nothing. Silence. Shit.

So, every time I get my report card, I hide it in my bag, pretend I did not get it, hid it under my clothes in my clothes drawer and lived life like normal.

Until one fine day, my dad wises up and asks, 'Didn't you just finish your exam? How come there is no report card?'

oh, f-ck-ry. Here it comes.

'I don't know where I put it. I lost it liao. I will get the teacher to give me another one,' I said, all innocent and surprise.

'OK, make sure you do that.'

The next day, I tell the teacher, 'I can't find my report card.'. With squinty eyes, the teacher issues me another one and I go home and hide it again under the first report card.

I shouldn't have done that because every time my mom puts clothes in my drawer, I panic, break out into sweat and behave like a watchdog right outside my bedroom door, holding my breath, hoping that my mom will just pile the freshly laundered clothes on top and go.

The watchdog behavior probably gave me away. My mom, with hands on hip, came trudging into the room one day and started waving the three report cards in the air.

He he he he....but did I get the shelling that I so deserve?

Nah. There's the shake of head, sigh and then silence again.

That's bloody torture. Give me some kind of beating, won't you already???!!!

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