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New Moon Movie Review

If Chris Weitz was in any way disgusted with a single word that was in New Moon because it was nothing more than just womenly mush, he didn't let his opinions seep into the movie he directed. He is magic. He is awesome. Sadly, better than Catherine Hartwicke, I have to say. I spotted a few guys in the theater and I am wondering to myself...don't you have a better movie to watch? Like the just-as-buffed-up Rain's 'Ninja Assassin' or something? Oh, the girlfriends. Probably trying to date the girls or something, eh? Yeah, reel them in by pretending to get all that mush. You earn points for being emo. I to.ta.lly. understand. For one, my sister who used to side with Edward in the whole saga is on Jacob's side now because of the flash of abs. OK, fine, I was mildly persuaded for a while too – hey, you'd have to be a heterosexual male not to love the washboard abs. I can imagine that when he strips off his top, all females starts peeing on themselves. I didn't pee on myself because he's not old enough to go to a pub. Fine! Fine! I am exagerating because I am not on his side in this story. So, yes, you have Jacob's side of the story and I would have to give Taylor Lautner due credit. Man, that was an awesome job. I was talking about acting, alright....enough with the body already! Team Edward!! :-) I give him credit for good acting. I give him credit for having the pure determination to keep his role by buffing himself up beyond belief. If he stops buffing, he's going to blame Stephanie Meyer for all that fat from non-used muscles dissolving into slush of.....fine, fine....hey, I am trying to be as neutral as I can be, alright?! Gimme a break! I give him credit for the emotional display of affection which was TERRIBLY CONVINCING. Awesome. Ten thumbs up for Taylor Lautner's acting skills...and abs, and biceps, and triceps and...oh, shut up! As for Bella, for most parts, she does the usual teeth-grinding, rolling of eyes, stuttering, muttering, mumbling, closed-mouth talking, nervous-breakdown acting...etc....but then I realized one thing....she only does this when she was with Edward. What's THAT all about? Being with Edward makes you a bloody nervous wreck? That's love? That's an abusive relationship, damn it!!! Interpret it better, girl! When she is with Jacob, she is not twitching like someone's trying to remove her kidneys sans anesthetics. Sigh.....my favorite part yet my least favorite part....Edward. In New Moon, Edward actually SCARED the daylights out of me....which is not saying much because over-sweetened coffee terrifies me as well, but for the love of Edward that fills my heart, for me to be scared of him....that's almost like saying I don't love Edward. And that is not true, you understand? Rob Pattinson finally delivers more than constipated looks....he actually looks like he is in actual pain. Holding back on his emotions when breaking up with Bella, then closing his eyes tightly as he kisses the top of her head...the emotions are felt. And that terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible fight with Felix....terrible. He doesn't have much to do in this movie...and that is my complaint. I know, I know....he's not much in the book to begin with and I think Chris Weitz tried to squeeze in as much as he could of Edward's non-existant storyline into the movie. But there's no Twilight story without Edward. Period. I am biased. I don't care. You can't sue me for being biased. The wolves....some of them sported pot bellies....yo, what's up with THAT?! Talking about bodies....I think it's unfair to send Taylor Lautner with a protein-filled diet with ten-hour gym schedule for this role and not send the rest. Including Rob Pattinson. I mean, come on! How fair is it that when Jacob takes his shirt off and everyone starts swooning. And they don't try to make the others match up, huh? Edward takes his shirt off and...LAWRD.....jeezuz.....the pale, skinny, scrawny, malnourished (I mean, literally...vampires don't eat) Edward Cullen against the buffed up, tanned, awesomeness Godly body of Jacob Black? Oh, come on!!! That is not unfair. That is mean. While the Twilight movie was very....erm.....nothingmuchtotalkabout....there's the special effects to talk about in New Moon, thanks to the new budget for the movie. Apart from the scene where Bella jumps from the cliff where it was...er.....er......yeah....unreal? The wolves rocked. Loved the fight scene between the wolves, loved the transformation. Although Lainey thought it was amateurish, I thought it was good. Maybe she was comparing it to Transformers or something. All in all, I think the special effects was good. Oh and Dakota Fanning....love her! Hate her character but love her. She could do better actually because in New Moon, all she had to do was....not have expression. Can' t blame her. That's Jane, the character that she was playing. Jane is one cold, mean bitch, I'm telling you. Aro? Is there anyone more perfect for the role? Absolutely not. PERFECT. And Felix is truly the one. THE ONE. Before I end, I have to add something that is off-the-main-cast....Charlie played by Billy Burke aka Bella's dad. He got more lines, he's so much funnier and I love him!!! If Edward doesn't want me, I'll take Charlie. So adorable here with good lines to say too. Awesome actor! I am not going to admit a soft spot for Jacob. Not, not now, not ever. :-) But wasn't he so loveable? Sorry, Edward. Pretend I didn't say that! Hahaha. Over and out.
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