I wrote this post some time back and after much thinking, I've decided to post it anyway.
I over-estimated my own importance. I will never do that again. Another lesson learned. Maybe it was because of the network of people who value me are not always within my vicinity, maybe that's why.
This is a very emotional post for me because I was a little sad about my birthday turn-out. I invited very few people and VERY FEW made the effort to come. Some didn't even bother to wish me at all. It's not like I'm a child who's celebrating her Barbie Doll birthday event in McDonalds or something but I am trudging along on a little journey that I find more than a little daunting and they would understand.
To me, it was a way for me to release stress and also prove that I have friends who are not 9 and 7 and who thinks I am the love of their lives. During this journey, I would need friends who value me.
But I am of little value. Oh, don't worry, I'm not beating myself over the head with my pink dumbbells or poking needles into multiple voodoo dolls. It's just that....I over-estimated my own importance and value.
Maybe it's because those who would truly support me and be my friend are not in my country, I think. It's the internet. It's because I am bigger in the cyberworld than I am in the real world and many people relate to me and are there for me (privately) when I tell them things.
And it's not their fault that they don't care. It's my fault. I never cared for them in the first place when I got married and had my kids. I pushed myself out of that circle first - and they're just not that into me anymore.
I know that now.
I am rarely so revealing and emotional about the things that goes through my mind on my blog but sometimes, it's better to let things out into the open, air the thongs, than to keep it soggy inside a plastic bag.
So, here I am. Airing my thongs.
Shoutout to those who came!!!! Especially those who had to cancel plans (family), rush from another state (brother), had to hand kids to husband (corey), never seen for a hundred years (mon), rush there after a working event (jon & pleasance), who turned photog all night long (eric mui), came first and there was no one there (angeline), had to shout 'her baju her baju' when my shirt went out when being lugged out of the pub like a log (jenny), had to send girlfriend home first (cousin), rush there after a LONG day at work (sam), and someone who dumped his mother in KL Sentral instead of sending her all the way to the airport just to come (Thong).
Of course, to the cousin who decided to celebrate with me anyway despite his being a few more days to go. Thankfully too. :-) Without your gang, things would not have been as fun, so, thank you, Jamie.
Especially to my brother, sister, cousin and sam for lugging my sorry ass back home. Love you and sorry I'm so heavy!
cheers, everyone. Your effort, even though you do not (did not) know why, made a difference.
When asked what’s my one single favorite thing to do in the world, I would usually name a whole list of things that I love to do when my work is not screaming at me. Something that takes my mind COMPLETELY off of everyday tasks and relaxes me. Take a guess what it is…. If you say ‘ reading ’, yes, I love reading (especially soppy love stories with lots of sex scenes, please. Hee hee hee ….) and I also love mystery novels but it’s not the first on the list. If you say ‘ playing the piano ’; yes, I love playing the piano. Creating forms a huge part of my life and whenever I play the piano (as inept at it as I am), there’s this tiny little girl inside of me jumping up and down with glee, clapping her hands. It’s my childhood dream to be able to play the piano! And thumping on the keys gives me a sense of satisfaction when I hear the music. If you say ‘ writing ’; You’ve got to be kidding me! You mean I don’t write enough as it is? Case closed. If you say ‘ playing with my kids ’; Yea...
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