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A Changing Kind of Happy

It’s a funny question….when people ask you ‘Are you happy?’ our automatic response would be…guess…..yeah…. ‘Yeah, yes! Of course I am, don’t be stupid’. But have you ever sat yourself down, close your eyes and asked yourself if you’re truly happy? Truly, truly, BLISSFULLY happy? Are you in love with what’s around you, what you’re doing and the people you have surrounded yourself with? Have you become robotic and impassioned about the things that you have to do on a daily basis? But then again, it’s hard to human beings to be completely happy…it’s probably a lot like trying to find the answer to life. Impossible. Or close to it. (If you’ve found the secret, please let me in on it – I’ll pay you for it.) So, that leaves me with another question….how come, if the situation remains pretty much unchanged, something that used to make you deliriously happy at one point in time can make you unhappy and stressed-out now? This one, I have the answer to. Change. So, it’s not possible for human beings to be completely happy but we should always strive to be as happy as we can be. But at the same time, things change, so, your journey will be riddled by a lot of changing circumstances. That’s shit. I mean, why can’t things that make you happy stay constant and consistent? If drinking makes you happy ten years ago, why can’t it make you happy now? And if listening to Jazz music makes you happy when you were a kid, how come it sounds like someone’s dragging a nail across the blackboard today? And if you always thought a career in a bank is the next best thing to getting a ride on Aladdin’s carpet, how come the prospect of dragging your ass to work in the morning is giving you a blinding urge to pop Xanax pills? The reason why I am writing this is not because I’m going bongcus (sometimes, that sounds so inviting) but it’s because quite suddenly, what used to make me really happy once upon a time, is causing me a lot of distress. I wanna just….stop….it. But I can’t. I need a change of direction – not a complete about-turn but maybe just 23.6 degree turn. And I need that to help me find joy in doing what I am doing now. I know I am blumbering along but hey….that’s what blogs are for. :-)
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