Skip to main content

I Am Made Of Steel

This is something I dug out from my PC closet written...erm, date not disclosed. Anyway.... *** *** *** I am made of steel, invincible. Nothing can hurt me nor destroy me. I am made of steel, my metal fingers can wrangle any form of tangle, emotional or otherwise. I am made of steel, therefore, I don’t need muscles to withstand brute force smashed against me. I am made of steel, hence, nothing can dash my will to succeed and reach my goals.

I have built such a strong fort against external force and harm because of a well-learned experience that nothing, not even Optimus Prime’s brawny arms can tear me apart. Nor can Yoda (or is he Yoga? I forget) talk me out of surrendering. Bruce Lee is nothing – he’s just a piece of meat with two fists. Really big….fast fists. But still….nothing can penetrate this fortress.

I am invincible, unconquerable, impregnable and indestructible. I am not afraid of threats because I KNOW no one can hurt me.

Nothing can hurt me for I have learned to ignore pain. Tears no longer know their way down these cheeks because it’s simply disallowed. Not permitted. Permission denied. Steel things don’t cry.

I have made myself so strong that I have protected myself from…myself. Betray me, I dare you to. Tell on me, love someone else….go ahead, sell my soul the devil. I will not give in. Sometimes, I am not alright and I push the weak side away and tell her to go ‘wallow in self pity’ in another person’s body. There’s no space for weak emotions. I am strong for I am made of steel.

I will not allow anyone, anything, any circumstance to hurt me again. Even if I am not alright now, I will be. If you push a knife into my steel body, all you’ll leave is a scar…..and much to your chagrin, nothing else.

*** *** ***

Shite. Alright, alright. I am NOT made of fooking steel.

I am a little girl inside. But it’s amazing because, the above….I wrote that some time back. In fact, I’ve written many other versions of it thereafter and therebefore (this is the, by far, steeliest of them all); none of them published in any form of blog or website.

Every time I read them again, it strengthens me and yet it serves as a reminder to me as well. WHO. ARE. YOU. FOOKING. KIDDING, huh? WHO? The only people who still thinks I am made of steel are my kids because they’re really heavy now and they laugh at me when I cringe when carrying them or giving them a piggy back ride. Argh! Was that the sound of my creaking joints or did I just dislodge my shoulder?

Anyway, I’ve come a long way since. I sometimes still think I am made of steel because the last time I cried, I was watching a movie. Not even when things crashed down on me that I cried. Not a single tear….except for one time. It was the extra dose of drinks that I took…those weren’t REAL TEARS. Heylow!???? Those were drops of Tequila mixed with Jack Daniels and some other forms of drinks that I can’t (for the life of me) fooking remember. Those drinks….they found their way to my tear ducts and just started, you know....just rolling down my cheeks and all. The cheek on those drinks….

OK, fine. I cried.

But you know what? I think it’s fine. I think it’s alright. So what – steel things can’t cry now? And besides, I’ve learned and re-learned every now and again that when a friend ask you, “Are you OK?”, I don’t have to say, “Oh, I’m fine. I’m fine.”

Instead, I’ve learned how to say, “You know what? I am NOT ALRIGHT, ok? But I will be”.

Comments

Jamie said…
tell that to the freaking superdude who wears his undies on the outside...I'll bet that he will cry his steel balls off
Anonymous said…
I also wanna be made of steel and not have anything affect me. But then again, life would be pretty damn dull if you sail through it without feeling anything. The capacity to feel shit always comes hand in hand with the capacity to feel fabulous. Can't have one without the other. Besides, you'll only know joy if you've been thru a major crapfest right? The next time we feel like crap, we shd remember that feelings are almost always temporal ... if it's not, then call in the shrinks!
Marsha Maung said…
jamie, wait, lemme go find the fler's phone number. i'll send him an sms later! @^@

winnie, you're right about capacity to feel shit comes hand in hand with capacity to feel really good. orgasms are good, aren't they? hahahahaha, yeah. believe me, i know of people who just can't snap out of a 'crapfest'. :-) thanks, winnie! *muax*
tsolomon said…
This one is for you Marsha in regards to your post "http://marshamaung.com/marketing-promotion/link-me-link-me-please.html"

I "stumbled upon" your site for you, maybe it will help!

Website review: MarshaMaung.com

Someone discovered this.

1 reviews since Oct 31, 2008

marshamaung.blogspot.com


Thumbs up Reviews of this website


"Marsha has some good things to say about blog and site "marketing". This one is for you Marsha!"

Your tags: link-marketing, exchanging-links, website-marketing-linking, link-exhanging


tom@leftoverlovers.com
Leftover Recipes, Tips, and Frugal Budget Ideas
Anonymous said…
Boobs-of-Steel, meet salt water.
Marsha Maung said…
kok yee, kok yee, you've lost me somewhere along the 'boobs of steel' line. after that....er.... :-)
Anonymous said…
aiyor, you really and truly returned your school knowledge to your teachers eh?

steel is hard and strong, but when immersed in something soft and formless like sea water, it will corrode and break down.
no such thing as invulnerable or impregnable lor..

hmm.. perhaps you can start picking up taichi, especially at this stage in life hor. hard-hard, soft-soft, hard-hard, soft-so..
ZZZZzzzzzz

xD
Marsha Maung said…
kokyee, you tok about my age ONE MORE TIME, i tell you, your backside kena from me, you know!!!

and besides, I don't remember learning such a thing in school oso. where got? eh, i enterprising person lah...i no go sains stream wan. i perdagangan stream wan...

Popular posts from this blog

Stargazer - Stretch Those Sides

I have been doing this pose, part of Cosmic Dance (a type of yoga, I am assuming), called Stargazer pose without knowing it is called Stargazer's pose a lot in the past. You see, sometimes, I don't follow the rules and come up with my own stretches and poses. It is fun. I have on some music, nice, soothing music or just anything I can click on. Then I go with the flow, letting my hair down. Just moving to the music...and that is when I come up with the above Stargazer's pose. This pose really stretches your sides. Keep your eyes on the outstretched hand if you are keeping it pointed to the top, as if you are waving or connecting to a higher energy from the Universe. Your arms will ache a little but hey, toned arms, here you come! :-) For those who want a bigger stretch, it is safe to slowly and gently move the lifted hand towards your back...don't overdo it, listen to your body's complaints and respect it. You don't have to prove anything to anyone, reme

Maid Side-Kick

I was kind of a little sad when I read the news about this - there will be no live-in Indonesian maids in Malaysia anymore . There are pros and cons to having a live-in maid, as with everything else, but for us, we enjoyed more pros than cons. Back then, when my kids were little, we brought in a family of maids to help with...well, just about everything, and we were like two families merged into one. They ate what we ate, we sleep, they sleep, we shop, they shop, they joke, we laugh, we joke, they laugh...for me, the maid I hired was more like a sister and side-kick to me. For that few years, I was dependent on her to mind-read my schedule and when I need or don't need help. She picked things up quickly and we ended up having lots of moments whereby we were in sync. Today, two of them are on my Facebook and we were gleefully chatting over Facebook Messenger since they've just discovered the wonders of the Internet and Social Media. Since we were more like partners in crim

Project Wolf Hunting (2022) - Film Review

Less than 10 minutes into the movie, I was already wondering why am I watching this show, and in the dead of the night.  But I was thinking to myself, I've toughened up quite a bit when it comes to things like these... Happiness , Signal , Sweet Home , Alice in Borderland , Vagabond , City Hunter , Tunnel ...these crime and sci-fi dramas and films I endured just so that I can watch my favorite actors in action...they must have really built me some mental muscles.  Usually, I am the late kind because I want to see what everyone has to say about it...so that I am prepared.  I will just present you with reasons to watch and reasons NOT to. Here goes.  REASONS TO WATCH If you like Seo In Guk , Jung So Min , Jang Dong Yoon , Sung Dong Il , or maybe even Im Ju Hwan , you might want to endure this film.  Hint : If you're a fan of Jang Dong Yoon, maybe watch it.  It's interesting. I know we have a lot of post apocalyptic world films all over the place now but this is a little diffe