The story of G: Letting go of the awkward past

I am back on Facebook and recently, a friend from school days (lower and upper form six) contacted me again. As usual, we passed comments like, “Eh, call me out for drinks or lunch when you’re around lah”. And then he went, like, “OK, no problem. But you don’t mind if I called G out, do you? So long already….sure nothing already lah, right?”

My blood ran cold. 

G and I went out when I was in…erm, lower/upper form six. Our relationship was a rather complicated one. You see, there was a bunch of them friends who were good friends from the same secondary school. G and L were very good friends. A lil background, perhaps? OK. 

L is a tall, dark and rather good-looking bloke who was (hopefully he still is) phenomenal volleyball player mainly because of his height and good built. I reckon quite a lot of hormonally-charged females were eyeing him. 

G is a short, stocky fellow who was….nothing short of normal. Nothing exceptional about him, not as far as I can tell or remember. 

Anyway, I ended up dating L and we hit it off because we were rather compatible in a sense that we were rather sporty people. For some reason, in Form Six, people thought I was hot or something. In fact, I was voted in as committee member for many societies that I ter-accidentally joined for no apparent reason…including Vice President of Sixth Form Union (which I did nothing for), Secretary of the Interact Club (which I also did nothing for) and I was also class monitor (which I, surprisingly, did nothing for). On top of that, I was also voted Prom Queen along with Navin (the link’s from Facebook) as Prom King. (p.s. Navin, the dance was awkward, wasn't it? I thought we looked like spinning statues)

All of that because a group of guys happen to think I was kind of…dunno-lah. And I was awful at all of them! :-)

Anyway, L and I went out together and we were sort of like, the golden couple of something because we were both tall, DARK and *ahem* (so they thought I was although I can’t see why because I was so tomboy….still am). I think in a lot of ways, I went out with L because everyone thought we were good together….or rather, looked good together. 

Did I really fancy L? Erm....I don't really know.I think at that stage of my life (eh, teen years lah, right?), I was more flattered, flabbergasted and a little bit obliged in a way to date him. Yeah, sure, sure...he was a looker and I felt proud hanging onto the arms of a sought-after male in school...but erm...this kind of thing very hard to describe. 

Anyway, along the way, mixing with L meant that I would be mixing with the likes of G and other friends as well. One day, G fell sick…chicken pox or something. L and I visited his house when he was sick and he looked so sad, sick and weak that my heart went out to him. I DON’T KNOW WHAT POSSESSED ME, don’t ask me why!!! But ended up, I wanted to go out with the less ‘glamorous’ G instead! Gargh! Don’t ask me why!!!!!

So, what happened was that I broke up with L via a ‘friendly note’ passed via a friend, albeit a very reluctant one. When L got the note, he tried to confront me but I refused and avoided him like plague. In the meantime, something was developing between me and G. A confrontation between L and G ensued, of course. They grew up together and one fine day, this time bomb would explode. 

As chicken as I was, I avoided the confrontation like Hell. 

To cut a long story short, L asked G to choose between friendship or ‘love’. G chose love – there, it ended a childhood friendship. To make things worse, L was so distraught that he ended up in a car accident that broke his legs (one or two I am not sure but I saw him in a cast on one leg only). Still, I refused to look him in the eye. 

Then, some six months down the road, I got bored. No, no new boyfriend or anything like that. It was just that….G got a little bit clinghy and got jealous at the slightest move I made. I took photos with other guy friends in school because it was going to be holidays soon or something and he threw a fit. So, I ended the relationship. He was distraught and said a lot of things, including threatening suicide. I remember him punching the walls beside my house until his fist koyak or something. 

There you go. One of my tumultuous relationships. My dear ex-boyfriends who reads my blogs, don’t worry lah, I am not the kiss-and-tell type (NOT!). 

I am only telling this story because I want to ask, you know, is it chicken of me to feel a kind of awkwardness to ‘confront’ the thing now. I mean, how many thousand years have passed already but still…it’s sort of like, something that I am regretful of, ashamed of or feel guilty about. 

There’s absolutely nothing liao…G is married and have two kids of his own now but still…the guilt gnaws at me. L, on the other hand, I've not heard from since those days. I am not sure how I would react if I saw him? I think I will hightail and run in the other direction! In fact, there was one time I thought I saw him in a shopping mall, I tried to run but it was crowded. I took another look and realized it probably wasn't him after all. The relief!

One fine day, I tell you guys of another love triangle regret that I have…but it involves someone I know who’s in my network of friends in one of those social sites, so, I don’t want to reveal too much until I….erm, like, work out the knots inside my head. 

Heck, it’s good to write about it! Halleluyah….like something off my chest or something, you know what I mean? 

Sigh…the wonders of a blog. 

p.s. I hope he doesn’t read this blog and if he does, he would be dense enough up there to not realize that it’s him. Tsk tsk tsk…pathetic.  I think I need to go meditate now.... :-)