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Sept 16 Rally Made Me Feel Unwanted and Orphaned

I accept the fact that there will always be differences in opinion, we all cannot share the same view but can we all agree to NOT hate? I don't want to be sensitive but how can I help feeling hurt? We fight so hard for a place and sharing of bond among all Malaysians, yet...

Literally, as I watched the woman call some of my ancestors 'pigs' and 'immigrants', I was befuddled but it is what it is, isn't it? But most of all, tears welled up in my eyes and my heart cried. So, this is it?

Do you know what it feels like to not belong anywhere on this planet? Ask the refugees. In fact, I see how some Malaysians are like those refugees. We have no place here, nor a place there. The unwanted. I know many Malays who are sensible, reasonable, loving, accepting and caring, I see them and at one point, I refused to let that one woman or that one man asking the reporter to 'go back to China' taint the rest of the Malays I know because they are not one. They are not the same.

I see some writers, politicians and bloggers standing up for the others. I will keep my heart and eyes trained on these people because they are our last hope.

I won't deny paving a back door right now for my kids. I am trying to find a way to get them out of this place we call 'home' because I am stuck here for, presumably, the rest of my life. They don't have to. At some point in time, they might come back but if they don't, who can blame them? They might want to stay here, who knows.

But here's where we have arrived at in Malaysia. Unwanted and orphaned. Have you ever watched films or movies whereby orphans stand at the window of dilapidated orphanages yearning for parents to give them a home? Sometimes, it looks bleak like that. You watch other children play in playgrounds wishing there was a place for you. But there isn't.

And we go to bed with that hope every night.

We look toward the moderate and loving Malays with a glimmer of hope in our hearts. I can tell you most non-Malay citizens don't want to or don't have dreams to be anything bigger than just to make a decent living in this country. We just want to survive and not take away anyone's rights. In fact, we want to strengthen EVERYONE's rights so that Malaysia is a better place. I, for one, don't have a chance in hell to be anything big, a Dato' or Tan Sri or Minister or whatever. Such a ridiculous idea. I just want to give everything I have got to help contribute towards a better country.

Not take away anyone's rights.

How dare we? What place do we have? Isn't our place just in the background anyway? Just work hard and do your thing.

And even then, we are reminded again and again that we are trying to usurp someone's power or rights? I don't get it.

I really don't.

Does it have to take a picture like this to touch my heart? The police force standing there protecting Malaysia's version of Chinatown, Petaling Street?

Source: Malay Mail Online Facebook

I apologize for feeling so much despair and disappointment today but allow me, because this is what it feels like to be told you are not wanted. Let me wallow for a while and as always, I might feel a little better tomorrow, or next week or next month. 

Will I stop fighting? I don't think so, but who knows?

Love,
Marsha
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