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Get No Love When They Grow Up

I remember a long, long, long, long, loooooooooo.....ng time ago when my kids were so easy to please. In order to work, all I needed to do was to switch the TV on and slide a Barney CD into it and off they go! Bless the purple dinosaur....as dumb as it is. To make things worse, it's got one of the sorriest excuse of a theme song that goes somewhere along the lines of you loving me and me loving you and we're all a big effing family or somefink. OK, fine, it was lovely and easy to teach the kids to sing. How wrong can you get, right? And then there's also Steve with his cursed green striped shirt. Actually, I didn't Steve was dumb coz he was, personally, someone who was witty and a bit of wise-crack, actually. I remember he impersonated Elvis one time. It was lost on the kids but he was a hoot to the parents! But honestly, he is either blind, sick or totally off the rockers. Blue is right there, duuuude! Right there! Her a-s is sticking right out of the sofa....oh, come on! But the kids love it, of course, coz they were way smarter than Steve. Compared to this, Blue's Clues and Barney look like humans....geniuses. This one made absolutely no sense - Teletubbies. For some reason, the producers and creators got the notion that kids love aliens and a sun with a face of a coo-ing baby on it enthralling. Teletubbies were the craziest (sh-ttiest) thing on children's TV. introducing the fat duffasses....with no brain. Believe it or not, although they said that the purple alien is actually a male, he is a cross-dresser! He loves tutus and handbags, hats and shoes!! I don't know what they were trying to convey to the kids, man. I have nothing against gays or anything but aren't we introducing something like a little too YOUNG!!?? There are many others....like Dora, Diego, Tweenies, High 5, Sound music factory, etc. Then the other day, they saw a clip of Diego on TV. And this is how the conversation went. Son 1: ....and then he's swinging very hard on the rope, his butt itches and he tries to scratch it while swinging and then he falls....(sound of oooooooooohhhhhhhhhh.....) and splat Son 2: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That's sooooo funny. I hate Diego. He asks the stupidest questions. Son 1: Yeah yeah....and then Sonic comes into the picture and plants a bomb in his stupid bag or something. When he's looking for his binoculars, it explodes in his face. Me: Ahem. I thot he went splat. Silence. Son 2: Yeah, but he didn't die. Oh, and then Mario and Luigi comes over gives them a shrinking mushroom. Son 1: HAHAHAHAHAHA!! And then he eats so much and disappears. Me: Sigh....the love. You guys used to love Blue's Clues, Teletubbies, Tweenies, High 5, and all that so much, you know. Son 2: URGH, mom! Please!! They're so LAME!!! Lame lame lame. Stupid lame! Me: Well, I feel the need to remind you that....you....had....a BARNEY DOLL!!!!! (evil smirk) Son 1 and 2: EEEEUUUUUUUGGGHHHHHH!!!!! Mom!!!!!!! Me: Hehehehehe....

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