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The Joke's Not Funny!!!

I am just done with my marketing….no, not the business kind….the wet market kind. I don’t like it but someone’s got to make the purchases. Predictably, I wasn’t in one my uppity-jumpitty moods so, I hastily made my exit while lugging three large plastic bags and five smaller ones along with me. I can feel the handle of the plastic bags dig deep into the skin of my fingers and hands. Blast it! I am almost near my car….a few more steps,” I said to myself. That was when I heard someone call, “Auntie!” I forged ahead and the voice called again, obviously this time, the greeting was directed at me. I huffily turned around to say ‘You-lah Auntie, ma fulat’ but her wide-eyed expression stopped me. It was a girl about thirteen or fourteen and she was gaping at me and pointing to the ground. I looked and saw that I dropped all the plastic bags that I was holding on one hand. “Oh, hee hee hee….thank you,” I said sheepishly and walked towards the bags and the girl issued me one of the loudest screams I have ever heard. By fooking golly, what is wrong with the girl??? The girl ran very fast screaming, “Auntie dropped her hand….her whole hand was on the floor!” What do you mean this auntie drop…..I looked and saw that my left sleeve was hanging loose….no arm there. I was shocked beyond belief…and then something really queer happened….I felt like someone gave me a very gentle jerk on my right arm and then a sense of release enveloped me. Hesitatingly, I bring my gaze to my right and saw that there it was….my whole right arm have fallen right off! I don’t know what to make of all this….by this time, a small crowd have gathered around me, watching and pointing at me, like I was morphing like a Transformer. *sound effect, please* But for me, I did not feel a single thing…no pain. In fact….I felt a little overjoyed. The feeling started from deep inside my chest and slowly, languidly, it started spreading to my other bodily organs. The sense of being overjoyed…..but why, I wondered. Be careful, you’re falling!” one voice yelled and before I, or anyone else, can do anything about it, both my legs crumbled under me and I fell on top of my rumps. Instead of standing there and pointing at me, the crowd began backing away, some ran away screaming. What a freak show this turned out to be. And I only wanted to grab a couple of drumsticks…and then this….what the hell is this??? How am I going to eat? Drive? Drink? Take care of my kids? Cook? Take the kids to school? Iron their clothes? Work? Mop the floor, sweep it, take the garbage out, and how about emailing my clients? Oh No! But oh yes, I thought to myself. Huh? How would I ever lift a beer mug to my lips now? Don’t, then. How would I ever hold a cigarette too? Time to quit. Hang on a minute there…. ….I started laughing earnestly! Loud guffaws that came from my belly, tears streaming down my face. I can’t believe this, I can’t believe this…my wish just came true! I don’t have to, albeit CAN’T, do anything anymore! Woo Hoo!!! And then I woke up. Tiu Nia Seng. The alarm clocks were screeching into my ears….wake up, wake up! Time to get the kids ready for school. All that joy and it was only a dream???!!! The joke’s NOT FUNNY, you up there! :-)


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